Here are some items for consumption in my apartment currently.

1.

I never really have cravings for potato chips, but apparently Max does (This does not extend to sweet potato chips, however. Mmm). These are actually more like rice chips, maybe? You know the sort of light, puffed air, white and orange tinged things that they put in a basket before your appetizer at Thai restaurants? They don’t really taste like anything, except for a hint of fish, and yet they are really addictive? These chips had that texture, if not the flavor. The flavor was sort of a slightly spicy sour cream and onion. My guess would be that even the specialty Lay’s flavors have to use whatever crazy chemicals are already in stock. Kind of like this bizarre experiment, but without the taste bud confusion. Anyway, they weren’t bad, and for less than 3 pesos a bag, I might bump that up to “above average.”

2.

You read that right. Tomato marmelade. Max, who has, in my opinion, an unnatural loathing of tomatoes, thinks this is really excellent. So thus everyone must love it, clearly. It’s sweet, but not too sweet, and tomatoes have the right sort of texture for jams, it seems, as they don’t get too mushy. I suppose you want to know who Don Lorenzo is. I would as well, but am not feeling like researching at the moment. We found it at the Feria de Mataderos, where they had many other marmelades on crackers, and we could have as many as we wanted. And one jar is 5 pesos, two for 9, and three for 13! I really might have to smuggle back several jars, including their dulce de leche, which I have been eating by the large spoonful. Speaking of which…

3.

Bailey’s pales in comparison. This is insanely sweet, creamy, and tasting of caramel, where Irish cream doesn’t really have a distinct flavor. And this bottle, as the label states, is spiked with anise seed, making it slightly spicy and oh, so yummy. You can drink it out of the bottle, but adding a shot of milk turns it into liquid candy. A couple we know jokingly suggested that they give it to their children to help them sleep. I still want to mix it with coffee to make a caramel macchiato type of thing. And there are so many other liquors to try! We got this one at the smaller fair in San Isidro for 12 pesos, and we have to go back soon to get more. Not just the other dulce de leche varieties (with coconut!), but strawberry, peach, limoncello…getting drunk never tasted so good.

4.

Okay, so this isn’t a food, per se, but we have been drinking it with boiling water, so that at least gives it the beverage qualification, right? Anyway, I find the concept really amusing. I mean, imagine the meeting where the executives are discussing this. Aspirin is great and all, but just imagine mixing in some caffeine or vitamin C! Consumers love hybrid products! Just look at peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, ketchup and mustard in the same bottle, the entire corn dog/pigs in a blanket concept! And hey, the idea has endless possibilities. Aspirin and diet pills, aspirin and birth control, aspirin and bubble gum! Apparently the company is just a Bayer subsidiary, but it seems uniquely Argentinian to me. With all the beef, dairy, pork, etc. consumption (usually all at the same time; let’s hear it for the milanesa completa!), a constant intake of aspirin is probably necessary to prevent a massive coronary.

from La Boca is my current advice. Granted, I have only been in the neighborhood once, but my opinion is pretty set: La Boca sucks, and not in any sort of pleasing way.

We decided to bike there one afternoon (a while ago, actually, because of sickness, so if this memory seems a bit exaggerated, that’s why) to sightsee. The ride itself is only a half hour from San Telmo, if that. No hills really, but traveling in the quieter, residential areas of La Boca was mildly unnerving. The streets were basically deserted, except for the occasional stray animal. Everywhere else I had been in Buenos Aires had plenty of people about, or at least plenty of cars. And, of course, the guidebooks all have fairly threatening warnings about traveling on the side streets of La Boca, especially with cameras, money, etc. So I was worried, especially since Max didn’t know the route by heart and we had to look at the map. This isn’t really a reason to dislike the neighborhood, but it did color my mood.

Once we arrived at the main streets, all the buildings were brightly colored and people were selling their wares. In fact, one man offered us tango lessons. Again and again, and angrier each time. Seriously, we made an effort to not bike by his corner again because he would not stop soliciting. Meanwhile, the only police officer I saw glared at us. I swear! This may have been due to the sheer number of tourists around that day. Maybe it was because they weren’t walking amongst the locals, but I noticed more foreigners than ever before. And I couldn’t figure out why. What was the main thing that people came to see? There was a small museum that we admittedly didn’t go into, and a soccer stadium? I think? People do like sports.

When we stopped to eat, we met some tourists that I honestly wanted to slap. We decided on a random outdoor cafe so we could keep an eye on our bikes. A woman walked by, holding the hand of a toddler. She was selling magazines for 2 pesos, as part of a program for the homeless. Here’s the info, if you speak Spanish. The sellers get to keep 1.30 from each magazine they sell. Granted, I didn’t know this until I bought one, but it was 2 pesos. $.66. Why not? Meanwhile, there were two middle-aged couples sitting at the table next to ours. When the woman tried to sell a magazine, they said that they didn’t speak Spanish. She suggested other languages, and they laughed, and said, “Japanese.” And then they continued laughing as she walked away. They were obviously from the U.S. They started talking to Max when they noticed his Columbia jacket, and apparently they were visiting Argentina to hunt geese and ducks. I am not trying to draw a connection between laughing at the homeless and shooting birds, because perfectly kind and generous people go hunting. I know them. Unfortunately, this is how this story happened.

Finally, the food was just awful. Wretched coffee, a salad, some bread, and one empanada all for 30 pesos. I know that it’s only $10, but that is some serious price-gouging for what I had come to expect from Buenos Aires. You could get 20 empanadas for that amount. Two large pizzas. One really nice bottle of wine. I could go on, but you get the point. And here’s the thing about salads. They list everything that will be in the salad on the menu. So ensalada de rucula is just that: a whole bunch of arugula (They bring oil and vinegar if you ask, though). I had forgotten that fact, and so check out my bitchin’ carrot and egg salad (all for the low, low price of 15 pesos)!

Great colors in La Boca, wouldn’t you say? Bah. Some of the local artists did have some interesting things, so I may come back just for that. And the artist who sang Queen’s Bicycle Race as we went by does have a special place in my heart. If you have limited time in Buenos Aires and, um, a cape? wings? hollow bones?, fly over La Boca to see the pretty buildings. Otherwise, La Boca might just swallow you whole. That’s what she said.

Based on my initial research (read:Wikipedia), I was not yet able to discern whether those with the ability listed in the title of this post were immune to such provincial ailments as allergies. It is probably tempting fate to believe that anyone could escape a condition so frighteningly large in scope; therefore, hubris is totally kicking my ass right now (Even going so far as to erase parts of my original post, which I think is taking it a bit far, as I never claimed I knew a thing about html codes or whatnot.)

It is 6 am here, and I haven’t really slept all night. I could list my symptoms for you, but that doesn’t really sound like compelling reading. Suffice it to say that when I put them into WedMD, 20 conditions came up, including whooping cough and foreign object in the nose. That’s right. In case you weren’t aware. Anyway, that function of the site is pretty hilarious if you want to kill some time. After all, if you are, oh say, bleeding from the eye, staring at the nearest computer screen should be your first move.

Back to my problem, as compelling as it is. Seriously though, and this is probably induced by watching the House season finale tonight, I am baffled as to which allergens are attacking me. See, I was sneezing fairly often for about a week or two before I came to Buenos Aires. And it didn’t start really bothering me until last night. I tried changing my nose stud last week, to no avail. I wouldn’t think that the allergens are environmental, as these are environments in two different continents! What hates me enough to make my whole face and throat ache just when we were going to go out drinking? (And to your right, you will see Kira Snyder, frequently known for being typecast as the long-suffering victim. Do play your tiny violins for her).

Wow. I need to make more sense. Oh! There are plenty of 24 hour pharmacies in this city, or at least the chain Farmacity (too cute!) has plenty of them. Of course, I haven’t gone yet, but I may have to force Max as soon as dawn breaks. And I am really hoping he can find some soup. I have noticed a lack of soup on menus in restaurants so far, and I loves me some soup. Speaking of food, we went to the market yesterday morning (when I was feeling perfectly fine!) and bought a loaf of bread, three rolls, and two little croissants (medialunas! again, way too cute for words) for 5 pesos, a bunch of bananas and 6 really little plums for 6 pesos, and erm, some other things that I would have to wake up Max for the cost. It is a really cool market, with separate stands for fruit, bread, meat, cheese, etc. And then we put our items in the baskets on the front of our bright orange bikes and took them back to the apartment. It was ever so charming. Before “allergies” made it so I can’t go one minute before needing another tissue. Sigh.