Really, any superpower would have helped me on Saturday. After all, isn’t it a common trope to have the hero save some hapless victim from a robbery?
Max and I were walking to museums on Avenida del Libertador, and accidentally skewed right onto a different street that passes by the law school. We noticed that we were on the wrong street, but we saw the giant flower in the distance and wanted to take a picture. Suddenly, we felt something wet. And sticky. And smelly. And green. It was my worst idle nightmare from living in the city for years. A pigeon letting loose onto clean clothing and hair. I always wondered if my office would accept that as a fair excuse for showing up late for work. I mean, it must happen to people every so often. Right?
A pair of women came up to us and offered water and tissues to help clean up. In fact, they physically cleaned us, vigorously wiping and soaking and well, distracting, as you clever readers have no doubt guessed already. Max was terribly sweet and was just thinking of getting me clean. I too, knew that he really wanted to see the museums and taking a cab back would be a waste of time. This went unspoken, and we focused on cleaning. The women kept making comments about the importance of cleaning right away and using proper techniques, and since they were older, I took this as motherly advice. Bear in mind that they kept us turned towards the street the entire time, moved our heads to look for hair stains, and tried to take off my purse once. Max took off his jacket and sweater, and, sadly, his camera bag. They walked off with his beautiful, expensive, SLR wonder of a camera, and his credit card, and we realized the loss a second too late
(Please offer support to Max on his site. He is really upset, and will be asking for donations soon. Even a few centavos would be a generous gesture to make him feel better.)
We tried going into the law building to ask about cameras, and even went so far as to fill out a police report, but it will likely be in vain. The tourist police officer was super-nice, in comparison to the utterly patronizing regular police officers who kept patting me on the shoulder and telling me to calm down. I sort of wanted to punch them. I feel incredibly stupid, especially because I had read about this same trick on a government fact sheet before leaving the country. So here is another warning to add to the pile. It makes me think that the U.S. idea of personal space is a better idea. I mean, in what situation is it okay for perfect strangers to touch you all over? (Insert dirty joke here, kids) We are adults; we could have cleaned ourselves. Instead, they cleaned us out. Ouch. I might have to retract that last little play on words.
And finally, a different sort of warning entirely, and one really unrelated to Argentina. Stay away from this:
Seriously, it is the worst toothpaste conceivable. It falls off the toothbrush. It doesn’t foam up well, if that makes any sense, and remains chunky. However, what made it utterly wretched was the flavor. Apparently, peppermint to the max! means to the point of pain. Not dentist-cleaning pain. This is somehow worse, a searing and frozen experience. It lasted forever because I didn’t want to waste money on more toothpaste, but since I couldn’t brush for more than thirty seconds at a time, my teeth probably suffered doubly. I haven’t used enough Jason products to condemn the whole company, but the painful memories are going to prove difficult to forget. Anyway, the lesson here is personal space and toothpaste without punctuation. Clearly.
